Marathon

Parenting is like a marathon,

the difference between parenting and the marathon?

there is no training to prepare your body or your mind for longest , hardest, biggest event of your life ,

NONE

No Special diets , to assure a peak performance

No markers laid out on your course

no water breaks on the race,

just you at the star

Nervous unprepared

ready

On your mark

Get set

GO

The starter howls ,the crying-begins

Deep inhale

this going to be great,

slow and steady ,

i know how to do this, its natural right…

a few miles in

you start to understand this reality

blurry eyed lack of sleep stumbling through course

emotions flood your body like an ocean tide in and out

in and out

Your body has gone rouge

swollen breasts up to your neck

every thing from the waist down has been traumatized.

a little person brand new

perfect in every way

has joined the race

we have traveled a long way to get to this place

where it begins

then a tiny human being, is with you

No instructions no returns

in for the long haul

growing humans is messy, challenging all levels of our intellect

This cant be real

i was a fully functioning person with a life , a job , friends all things that have made me me and now….

I can’t remember my name or why in the hell ive chosen to hand myself over to this

Life altering never ending project

Job , growing a humane …..its insane..

Yet you fall madly in love ,the rapid heart beat ,the uncontrollable sinking stomach, the butterflies kind of love

Yet ,you want run screaming from the room

A deranged , sleep deprived ,lost all sense of reason person.. postpartum, post adoption. ,post all of it sensation maxed out person

Stop

this Marathon, legs burning lungs heaving , it will get better right? You think

Well, actually it never ends .

The terrain changes lots of hills and valleys, lots of pacing yourself through the dark. Navigating wheather up to your knees.

And there are the sprinkle things, falling from the heavens it seems , slowly stinging your whole body with pleasant new sensations stinging joy .

All along the lane the soft gentle mist sprinkled joy, unimaginable joy, the smile, chuckle giggle,

The sprinkles show up at very moment you realize, you can no longer endure this run,undeniable heartache, surmounting fear, the unknown, the little hand reaching for yours, the wondering eyes as you tie their shoes, little please please please , slink into your heart, rendering you helpless

Love stings your eyes as you continue the run, bullies ,scary dreams,force you to breathe slow shallow breathes, slow you down just enough to grab and hug the little human pull them into your arms , hoist them up on your lap,sitting beside you, wrapping your arms around them no matter how far in the marathon you are , wiping away their hurt ,the sting is intense, your protection takes over their shedding tears.

This marathon is real and its forever.once you start it you can not stop , your changing ,,,with all the ups and downs your doing it . Pushing harder , falling down and getting up, trying with all you have to stay on course, you feel as if you are totallly doing this wrong , for god sakes you’ve run amuck. And you cant take it back , you trip , fallen again, each time its harder to get backup.

Then as you round the corner this human has now been givien all knowledge,

incredible as it seems they know it all ,they skip ahead of you on the trail, drinking cool water, mumbling things you cant understand or hear , laughing taunting you .

Now you know , it’s over, so some nights you have to take a break rest your eyes ,heart and soul. I cant go on .I don’t understand what is happening on this run, the climb is incredibly steep, you can only cast a slight glance up. You see darkness, fireworks, loud sounds ,unrecognizable murrmers and groans you do not recognize this place , you’re more afraid then before.

Slowly you stand a force behind me one leg in front of the other ,one foot hits the pavement then the other, head own dont look up, I’m working off adrenaline, memories are pushing me up, the sprinkles they are behind me ,joy, love ,beauty, tenderness, silly jokes, a tiny push ,head down ,deep breahtes

I can do it , dont quit, keep going , i know how to do this ive been here before ,the sounds get louder ,your muscle memory is kicking in, this human love, pure and unconditional, the wave of gratitude for this strange creature …yes yes that is it , ….go go go, the wind sweeps up the rear silent and strong. We can see the crest, the sun peeking over the horizon pink, yellow ,red magnificent.

We gain momentum. The privilege of marathon.

All memories. Collide the sprinkles , Continue

the sounds of happy seem brighter bigger , deeper longer , full.

We are tired,Hungry

Yet the marathon does not cease, its the grip of the future , it continues as we move ,

All at once we are lifted , what can this be ,no not now ,just then we notice

They are beside us is now , we can go forward together the sprinkles soft and tender beside us. Joy ,love and peace

We have arrived at the crest , the humans are here imperfect as we are , whole humans with empathy memories thoghts actions that reflect the marathon we’ve endured ,

there here with me leaning in whispers we can do it

You did it we get it you loved us whole , marthin continues it never ends now we have some now eneryfy that comes from