I long to light the candles
fill the room with soft soothing shadows dancing
cold tile my feet are remembering
always remembered
I look around at this sanctuary.
I remember it is just a stand in.
cool white porcelain stands unmet
a stage set for my heart
A promise. I made to me
To go forward never looking back
Build what i want
Keep going
It works until i look around and see
The bandaids everywhere
The what almost happened
It’s ok I say out loud to her
Scratch the surface
Look closely rust deep scars
The permanent dirt
empty place no water will fill
clean sweet peace sink in
time of reflection
fill me with peace the comfort of a job well done
It’s there all of it
The pain, the loss,
It’s almost good enough almost perfect
she embraces the imperfection
The rust ,grime and just under the surface is real
Not good enough will do illusions work right?????
Until you see
look around
It crumbles
a dream and dreams do not come to be in the light
Always looking for the warm embrace steaming silence
The silence of my song
The tender touch of the bubbles the cleansing
Sweet soap
soft towels
I’m here i made it
Yet the porcelain is so cold and rough and the plastic chandelier hangs dull above me
I see the back of the wood shoveled in place holding her world up
What can i see ,if not my truth
I’m alone with her reality , hoping to be good enough
water does not flow here
sparking light goes out
I knew all along it was held together with hopes, cries, joy ,sadness ,fear, love, lust
almost worthy
A disguise
good masking
the truth
Ironic
unspoken misunderstandings 