Unable to get it back ..not one single second
time that has been lost
the fragrant fresh soil
warming in new spring sun
simple pleasures
flowers bloom
assuring me the wait is over
all gone in the blink of an eye
When i returned it was summer …
long hot days, happy joyful time
with family, cookouts plans laughter,
vacation excitiement being together.
time sat on my heart in my head it swirled
no escape
children spending long days in the sun
splashing in the tiny pool lying on the grass
exploring under rocks, worm gathering in the small side yard full of just us three.
little freckles, wispy tendrils, eyes sparkling and bright tiny heads full of questions full of questions the little ones not afraid to ask.
the others we’re finding their way
avoiding, covering, hiding their pain
pretending nothing is different
their fear, my loneliness,
in silence through the long hot steamy summer days
we were
to see me broken, the ground beneath them seemed unstable,
apprehensive unable to move,
should they stay or go,
tears came close, a beer will do, nothing to say,
its ok,
if I do not look,
I will not see
until they see
they will carry forever
the strange loss of me
with celebrations quietly held, away, somewhere else, heavy with awkward moments,
songs sung a little softer as if to make it good.
the sun reached me just a quick touch
turn my head to see the day, I’m still in quiet seconds between the beeps .
back to school10/11/24 COPIED
we are back to school in most parts of the country ,back to corduroys kids looking at empty lunch boxes embarrassed please don’t look at me ive seen themfoinf in every school i have worked and occasionally an adult that still has there passion to help other will chat it up and eventually come up…
one of those days jenga COPIED 10/12/2025
I can’t find the words to describe how I feel Lost, empty, sad. Today’s been a rocky day moments piled on top of each aching , reaching for that one wishing for this wanting that smiling signing crying memories one on top of another little voices, tiny hands filled up hopeful warmth, sweetness, moons shine,…
Laid to Rest COPIED 10/12/2025
To my family near and far, those of you that were not with us today as we celebrated Nana’s life You were missed , of course, amd in our hearts ❤️ and as I looked around I could see all of you at different moments along the way to this day . On this day,…
Mama
Ashley Ceja April 30 · MomYou don’t need to take care of everything,you don’t have to be a super mom, a super housewife, a super professional, a super woman.Because when your body gets tired, there will be few who will remember that you tried to be all of this in one person.So, leave the house for…
Nag Notes 05 /06/2024 COPIED
[ ] CredibilityWhat is the price you’re willing to pay so can you do things the way that you’re doing them. I of course want you to do it because I love you I want to be successful somewhere along the line I failed you and let you think that getting away with something Iis…
Nag Notes 05/06/2024 COPIED
Hey I want you to know I hear you And I understand, I’m sorry I miss the kids very Much and never Get to see them . she posts wonderful photos of them. She wished me a happy birthday and I responded. I’ll respect your wishes, however It does hurt my feelings when you demand…
thoughts 050624 COPIED
The seats in the arena Two most important Empathy and self-compassion Truth tellers the people that don’t love you in spite of your imperfections … love you because of them… If its lonely and scary you are on the right track\ The story I telling myself…….. Scaling what is it Disrupt yourself podcast Why would…
Laid to Rest COPIED
To my family near and far, those of you that were not with us today as we celebrated Nana’s life You were missed , of course, amd in our hearts ❤️ and as I looked around I could see all of you at different moments along the way to this day . On this day,…
The older I get COPIED
COPIED TO BLOGGER 10/12/25 I know, I know everybody says these things as they get older a; well when I was a kid kids aren’t like they used to be kids are worse now than then my kid would never speak to me like that ! Am I right ? The list is long ,…
Headlights COPIED
I’m not sure what happened, or when the memo was put out, but along with everything else in this crazy world, the pain, the unsettled state of the world, we The diversity no the division, but I did not receive the memo that we will live in a world where has Headlamps headlights become an…
The returnCOPIED11/27/23
Spending 8 days in California over thanksgiving with my husband and two of our adult sons there spouses and children .It was rejuvenating, validating ,and oh so magical. To spend time with adult children ,that you haven’t spent a lot of time with over the last 10 years since they’ve grown and flown was humbling.…
marriage at the shore COPIED
Life as we know has it’s ups and downs , expect the unexpected, lean in , it’s not a rose garden. On amd on I could go We are all living our lives each day , that is brand new never before has the day been , nor will be again . Every single day…
do you remember 51223 COPPIED
Do you remember being a small child and hearing the adults talk? Saying the grown-up things? he is a so and so she said this or that and then you hear your name your ears perk up My dad was brilliant. Coming from a less than perfect place Dad said lots of things ……..lots of…
Unspoken
unspoken misunderstandings Things left unsaid Mendfences hurt feelings ones that break hearts and change they way we see the world and ourselves in it
thanksgivings
knowledge that someone can see me speak with words i can not utter surrounding the bumpy terrain of my bruised heart is sweet soothing balm bless you
Yes I am Enough
2022Never ever give up on you 😏Day one :I’m goodI’m worthyI’m hydratingITS HARD ,IM TIRED BUT I WILL CONTINUE BECAUSE I MATTER L
sink in
I long to light the candles fill the room with soft soothing shadows dancing cold tile my feet are remembering always remembered I look around at this sanctuary. I remember it is just a stand in. cool white porcelain stands unmet a stage set for my heart A promise. I made to me To go…
Marathon
Parenting is like a marathon, the difference between parenting and the marathon? there is no training to prepare your body or your mind for longest , hardest, biggest event of your life , NONE No Special diets , to assure a peak performance No markers laid out on your course no water breaks on the…
Hand off
i could have done better But then again.could I have ? Ac actually, I think I didn’t do very good job. Word on the street,I didn’t give them enough attention, made bad decisions, wasn’t there for them. it’s interesting at all the things you thought you did for them for the right reasons still, don’t…
thanksgivings
She seems happy ,her voice the smile, i have not seen for a long time. Home safe and sound ,overcame the obstacles,head held high, yes i can! Laughter, the sweet sound of my children My home,the hub ,the mess,the gift Circa 1991
I do not have to be strong
I feel alive Problem solver Take it all on I feel happy Sunshine in my room Did the right thing Took high road The Light basks my heart in hope I’m alive
thanksgivings
meatballs and sauce . always brings the tribe front and center that evoke happiness in me. “This is so good, thanks mom “ “this reminds me of” they chat amongst themselves. I listen almost with out breathing , i dont want to break the spell. It’S rare to have many together now, they have lives…
thanksgivings
Comfy bed,fresh clean sheets Empty day on the calendar Blue,all blue it’s soothing to my soul Goodwill,time with the last 7/24/2021
patience
“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” Pema Chodron ~ Lying in my bed last evening watching a program with my 13 year old daughter, a moment to treasure so rare , these days. Heart is full, content, cozy its all good when all of a…
walk away
I will walk away, …. very slowly one foot in front of the other away! let her go and walk away the call back is there “don’t go please don’t go” she is not new or old or good or bad she is full in me so afraid of the misstep There is no room…
Drip..drip..drop
Drip drip drop drip drip,,drop……. reminder of things not whole, the stench fear being seen Not clear not clean Dirty empty lifeless halls No life contained Within the barren space untouched by love ❤️
what do i want?
I ask myself what is it ? Why do i make list after list? Well , when i finish this all will be well. I need time to finish! What do i have to finish ? Organizing my photo albums,painting the kitchen?I just want to have some time. W,hat the hell does that mean. I…
YearEnd
As I Reflect , on the days, weeks , months since my life was put on hold , the enormous void, left in my world where I used to benot able to do the things I wanted ,UNABLE TO COMPLETE, complete the simple tasks before me. I couldn’t follow through with my end of the…
echos
my house is silent only the echoes remain. take a deep breath, close my eyes as the past swishes by the pain the sadness the joy, hope and promise the me I was driven with all-consuming love ,enduring the fight, the joy, the hope, all that fed me ,led me, swirls around shaking me to…
broken
the die had been cast, the seed was planted what we thought was love was twisted inside out.. given back as it was received ,empty broken shattered I. It used to be .. I do this well ,reach deep down into the depth of me lift up the right, the good , no hesitation ,…
unspoken misunderstandings 