Spending 8 days in California over thanksgiving with my husband and two of our adult sons there spouses and children .It was rejuvenating, validating ,and oh so magical.
To spend time with adult children ,that you haven’t spent a lot of time with over the last 10 years since they’ve grown and flown was humbling. These humans that I had a part in, raising, that I spent the formative years of their life caring for them, brings back a lot of memories ,some many questions, complicated by much guilt over what I did right what I did wrong. How could I be so enact in so many ways. It’s a contrast between the oldest son who feels he had a really great childhood to number three of eight the second son, not being so happy with his childhood not being so happy with me as a teenager and adult very angry with me. for reasons, I don’t always know feeling as if I gave my very best and having someone reject that and have no good memories or good feelings about you is devastating to say the least. I’m encouraged my kids to speak their mind not hold back because that is not something that’s healthy so intern.
My kids have expressed themselves, but my number two son has been quite verbal and at times scathing text messages scathing words that ripped my heart out were thrown at me my gut reaction was to reject, and dismiss this pain ,but my heart tells me let it go, dont hold on to these words .
This is was truth, you can’t deny somebody’s truth, you have to just let them have it.
There have been moments in this process of undescribable pain, ( convinced that I had done the best you could) to hear that not to have been true he challenged me at my heart has helped me to understand what love is and helped me to believe in myself.
unspoken misunderstandings 